This is not an easy confession to make in here with you, Reader… It’s a dirty little secret I’m about to divulge for all to know… it’s time to come clean… I’m having an illicit affair…
My Top 10 Self-Indulging Freebies:
(in no particular order… let’s face it, most of us are over the whole countdown thing)
Being the classic only-child that I am, it’s rare that I share… So consider this blog-entry a real gift…
- When driving somewhere, by yourself, to a place that you don’t need the directions for, pop your Nav Man or Tom Tom voice selector to male Italian. It’s like having a sexy European hunk sitting in the passenger-seat next you for company on the journey.
- In spite of my recommendations, Facebook has yet to install a “poke yourself” button. In lieu of this, I like to send myself e-cards. I write beautifully verbacious messages and select cards that are visually delightful… unlike some of the ordinary choices others have been known to send me.
- Did you know you can SMS yourself..? True. I love sending myself flirty texts.
- Vote for yourself… Whaa? I hear you exclaim. Oh come on! We all have our little secrets – and it’s no secret that we all like to enter some kind of internet competition from time to time that requires participants to vote on the best entry. Well until the developers come up with a way of preventing self-voting, I say go for it. It’s less obvious than “liking” your own post on Facebook, which as we all know is for wankers. Likewise for Re-Tweeting your own Tweets on Twitter, uncool and obnoxious.
- This next one is an oldie, but a goodie… Shout out your own name while having sex. If you haven’t heard it before, sadly I can’t claim to have come up with it (pardon the pun). This is particularly good if you’re not religious and not inclined to scream out “oh god oh god oh god”. The best part is that this also works well for masturbation.
- This next one appeals to the absent-minded side of me. When drinking alone (yes I do condone this) use two glasses. Not only will you feel less like you’re alone, when you put a glass down somewhere, you’ll have another one you can pick up. Also, when the bottle empties, it’s easier to explain with two glasses.
- We all have words we’ve made up, right? For instance, I invented the word “eleventy-eight” (or at least I thought I had). It’s a wonderful number that I can apply to anything and everything. Take your special words and add them to your computer ‘Dictionary’ – you’ll never be spell-checked on them again.
- This one isn’t for everyone, but it fits the bill: If you’re feeling particularly passionate about a particular Party/Leader this election, then vote for them multiple times. How? Oh it’s easy. Just drive from Poll Booth to Poll Booth, they only mark your name off in lead pencil on paper – it’s not electronically cross-checked – so go crazy.
- Write your own eulogy and obituary entry, and put together your own slide show – now. Let’s face it, we’ve all been to a memorial service that was a bit tacky or underdone. If you do it yourself now the job will get done properly and to your liking, plus it’s a terrific way of having the last word, so to speak.
- Online shopping. “Not free” you reckon? It is if you don’t pay at the checkout. OK, so you don’t get the goods, but you DO get the therapeutic value of having shopped to your heart’s content, and, because your Shopping Cart is an imaginary one, you’re not forcing some poor shop assistant into running around putting all your goods back on the shelf.
- Just like Christmas, Easter and Halloween, V-Day does NOT have it’s origins in retail.
- Just like Christmas, Easter and Halloween, participation in V-Day on the 14th of February, is entirely optional.
- It has been calculated that V-Day comes second only to Christmas in relation to the volume of greeting cards sent around the world each year.